Find Another Head

it is getting quite annoying,

this repetition,

every night,

as insomnia’s needles prick my eyes

same thoughts, played over and over –

again, with minor alterations, in script mostly,

I am funnier in my head,

and getting better!

what lovely retorts I come up with,

charming and witty –

yet it is a sad theatre,

where half the cast lies mute.

And finally, when conscious veers into oblivion,

ill-choreographed dreams.

dreams of journeys, dreams of just existing .. not alone.

frivolous things have potency,

and the subject-object dichotomy gets hazy.

i wake up, in melancholy …why do dreams end?

and then revert to routine,

of rugged, old reverie.

 

Too much value has been bestowed,

on too little hope.

seething frustration mired in unfathomable smiles.

It is the smiles which worry me.

Why do you keep smiling ?

Can’t you see how desperately frustrated I am,

at this impotence, this failure,

to conquer myself.

Can’t you see the wounded, pride of that mighty ego ?

Can’t you conjure up some empathy ?

No. you smile, 

lost-in-trance, love’s labyrinth ever so tortuous,

and ever enticing.

I will not take this anymore.

Shut the fuck up.

incessant

drivel, 

pretending to be my thoughts.

you smiling betrayer,

you conniving bastard,

incandescent fury shall consume you.

I break up.  With you

– imbecile Me. 

FIND  ANOTHER  HEAD.